The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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