OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
