I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
