If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
