You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
