either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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