Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
