Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
