dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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