Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
