i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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