how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I will die if light touches me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
