I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
