We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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