If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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