so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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