I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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