i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
