I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
