it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
