Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
