ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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