Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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