I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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