when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it because I queefed?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
