PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
