I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
