I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
