You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize