She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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