Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
