Dignity is for republicans.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
