State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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