Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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