I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
