I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
