Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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