it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
