Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish my penis had a tongue
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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