Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
