So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Houston, we have a squirter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
