You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
farters have to be the big spoon...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
