the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
