Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
