Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
