he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
