Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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