I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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