Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
