so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize