If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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