Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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