I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
