Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
