He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
