She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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