just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
