i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
