guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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