We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
