shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
