12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
