biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I had to cum in my sink.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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