You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
