Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize