Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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