We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
