the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
