In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
