My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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