I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
