You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
