I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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