I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
