Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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