How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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