i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize