Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
