There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
