I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
