oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
