um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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