i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
