just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
