why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
