Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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