pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
