Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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