When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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