plz talk dirty to me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
