there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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