been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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